The fact that I am a homeschool mom who even thinks she can offer any advice to anyone, would have been a comical notion not too many years ago.
You see, ever since we brought our firstborn daughter, Eden, home from the hospital, I have dreamed of homeschooling. But Eden is 13 years old, and we’ve only actually homeschooled for 4 years (and not even consecutively!). So if you’re half decent at math, you’ve probably figured out that, despite that initial dream, (and dare I say, conviction), it took us a little while to find our way.
When Eden was about school-age, we had 3 year old Ila, 1 1/2 year old Ted and I was nearly due with Kipp, baby number 4! In a moment of total overwhelm, I contacted a local Christian school about sending Eden to kindergarten. Before I knew it, she was enrolled and the first day of school came! She had a very good year, and we really did love the school. But I couldn’t quite get homeschooling off my mind. Before she started grade 1, we had unenrolled her, and re-enrolled her once again (the day before school started).
By grade 2, we again unenrolled and even got to about the 6th week of homeschooling Eden (and little Kindergartener Ila), before the fear of missing out reared it’s ugly head, and this mess of a mama tearfully sent her 2 little ladies back to school. We found our groove that year, and had pretty much pushed aside any notions of homeschooling. We had our 5th baby, sweet Emmy Rose, and the school year went quite well, despite having to interrupt precious nap-times to pick up the girls from the bus stop. I was sure we could be a fairly committed School Going Family, until more change came…
A new Christian school was starting in our area, and a few families from the current school were asked (told) to switch over for the next school year. It wasn’t ideal, since we were finally feeling settled in the current school. But we didn’t have a choice, so we made the switch as Eden was heading into 3rd grade, Ila in 1st, and little Teddy Wade into kindergarten. The new school was fine, but between there being a different feel to the school (it was much more quiet and conservative than we’d been used to), missing friends, welcoming our 6th baby, Solomon, and then Covid, we found ourselves reeling with our school choice yet again.
So, for the next year we finally pulled the plug, and homeschooled for a whole year! I wish I could say that we finally experienced true freedom and joy that year, but I cannot. While we did relish our independence at first, the same spirit of fear sprang up again. Fear of missing out on friendships, classroom life, recess games, class trips. We didn’t re-enroll, but in my heart I wanted to. I’d wished I would have never heard of homeschooling, and that I could just happily send my children to school like everyone else. It didn’t help that I became pregnant with our 7th baby just a few months into the school year. Fear + pregnancy exhaustion + mothering 6 young children was not a great mix! Alas, as you can about imagine, our children were enrolled in yet another local Christian school for the next year (and staying true to form, were unenrolled and quickly re-enrolled the week school started. Yes, I do feel great remorse for all I’ve put these schools through!!)
Up until this point, I hadn’t noticed the spiritual element of our (my) indecisiveness. We would decide to homeschool and I’d be crippled with fear of what they’d miss out on. We would decide to send them to school, and I’d wallow in regret, yearning to have my children livening our home. There was intense confusion. And do you know who is the master of fear and confusion?
I was able to share openly with a dear friend about my all-consuming struggle. She had recently begun homeschooling her children and understood my feelings and the weight of the decision. But she also noticed something bigger: The Spirit of Fear.
I hadn’t thought of that. We’d been praying for years for God to give us direction, though we could never quite hear his voice in the matter. We would continually go over the pros and cons of homeschooling vs. school, and loved ones had encouraged us that both choices are good options, and God would bless both. So to think that Satan had anything to do with this struggle was a new thought.
So, I began to pray fervently against the Spirit of fear, in Jesus’ name. And that is when everything began to change.
We committed to sticking out the school year at the new school, but it started to become very clear that this was not the life for us. Getting out the door with 7 children (including newborn Alice Marigold <3) everyday was basically an Olympic sport. The 30 minute drive to school meant 2 hours each day were spent on the road. Everything was rushed. There was all the necessary work that needed to be done, with 2 hours less to do it, and without my big helpers. While the school was wonderful in itself (well established, committed to immersing the students in scripture, an overall good place to be), the challenges of being on someone else’s time clock with a large family, and the addition of plenty of girl drama in some classrooms, the financial factor, and ultimately conviction, we knew this was the Lord’s kind reproof and He was leading us in a different direction.
With our (my) track record, it was daunting to pull the plug once and for all, but we did it in faith. Not with clouded judgement and fear. And the results have been beautiful.
We have finally found our place.
I believe we needed that hectic year to make us all so thankful for the slower pace that this life affords. While I could have done without all the flip-flopping over the years, we can now confidently say that this is what our family is meant to do. Our children truly love being homeschooled, and that has been such a balm to my soul.
So take courage, dear soul who might be contemplating homeschooling.
You can’t possibly make a greater disaster of things than I 🙂
